Regardless of who suggested it, if it was put in place as a relationship practice, as anything more than a purely personal preference, it's gender essentialist and should not be done.

And of course the first step is to talk, but it takes two to have a productive conversation, and conversations don't inherently end in agreement. Like you said yourself , you have talked to your wife many, many times, each time with the same result in a viscous cycle.

You see, if someone doesn't want to do something, having a "conversation" about it many, many times in the hopes that they will start doing it a bit more the way you want, just becomes another way to pressure them. A productive conversation doesn't need to be re-hashed more than three or four times at most.

The point of withdrawal is not to pull away or to punish your wife or to incentivize her to follow you. The point is to protect yourself from resentment. If you expect something in return that you're not getting then you shouldn't give it in the first place. Either you drop the expectation that you'll get something in return, or you drop the unreciprocated behavior - it doesn't do to on one hand help her and on the other hand resent being an "emotional fluffer" and take that out on her.