Be me. 16 years old Y2K. Porn is available but not worth effort on internet and more for shocks and laughs. Get a girlfriend and have regular sex all the time. This goes on till I'm 20. Break up and have short term relationships/one night stands. High speed internet is available. Start noticing more porn. Go through dry spell with women around 24/25. Using porn more. At 26 hookup with older woman. Get ED on night. I assume its the drink and think nothing of it as I was high sex drive before. She doesn't mind as we do other things. Go back again but experience ED say I want to take things slow with her. I find it impossible to get proper hard. I was thinking it might be her as I wasn't fully attracted to her but liked her as person. She is willing to try stuff to get me in the mood and makes me appreciate her more. Go back again and again but same happening. She tries to be understanding but I wall up. I blank her for a week and things end. It massively hit my confidence. I turn more to porn and due to shattered confidence food as well. Start drifting away from friends too.
2014 I decide to make a change. Go from being social isolated obese wow player to recovering fatass in gym. Weight falls off and confidence skyrockets. Porn use has dropped but still binges when low. Assume ED problem is gone or improved as working out improves health makers that physiology cause ED. I meet a girl I really like. She is attracted to me and makes sure I know it. Confidence is booming. Head back to room and ED makes its appearance. I assume it was the drink as I'm had a lot and maybe some anxiety. We fool around and she is understanding as drink does cause ED. A few days later the dread comes in that its something more. I turn to ED pills and hookup again. I'm hard but I feel like superman on kryptonite. There is no feeling. Oral would never make me O. We have sex and am eventually able to O. Though I still felt very numb and wasn't engaging due to it.
I know something is up but don't know how to fix it so am afraid of losing a relationship before it starts. Unconsciously try to overcompensate in other ways that probably came across as too full on. We hookup again and I use ED pills. Still lack of sensation. Girl is able to O but starts worrying about me not being able to O. Stop and start several times. Start getting worried and losing erection. Feeling awful and I know this is the last straw. Things end soon after.
That's how I fapped my way out of a chance of relationship I really wanted. Now a very social gymrat. Today is my Day 1 of finally fixing porn induced ED.