Bad. He's threatening to commit suicide or self-harm because he thinks that I'm not committed to him.

At the beginning of our relationship, we both said that we are committed to each other and will never leave. The first time I mentioned about leaving him was when he raised his voice at me in public for not letting me pay for my own food.

Another time that I mentioned about leaving him was when he drove off in the middle of the night when we had some conflicts while we were on holiday, and refused to pick up my call. Eventually he called as he got stuck in the mud, and blamed me for it. His reasoning was that I kept calling him, causing his GPS to mess up and make a wrong turn, therefore getting stuck in the mud.

Usually he's pretty sweet to me, surprises me with food all the time, sings to me, makes postcards for me or fly over to visit me when we were doing LDR. When we are not arguing, we really do enjoy our time together a lot.

However, whenever I get upset with him about something that he did, he would get upset back at me as he doesn't think that I should be so petty, and I shouldn't express me being upset in such a hurtful manner (I admit that I tend to get snappy and say things like, "Why didn't you do this" in an accusing tone. It's definitely something I'm working on as well.) We would then argue about me expressing my hurt in this manner, and the initial reason why I was upset would just be ignored.

Often, when I am upset and crying while we are arguing, he would either continue arguing with me, give me silent treatment, or fall asleep. His reason for falling asleep was that our conflicts drained him immensely, which causes him to shut down, and that he couldn't speak because there's the feeling of something stuck in his throat (which I can understand because I have experienced it before too, which means it's almost physically impossible to talk). Mostly, he doesn't know what to do with conflicts, as I am his first girlfriend, which results in a lot of hurt on both parties.

We have tried to come up with strategies to deal with such conflicts, such as me giving him space for 2 hours before he has to deal with the conflict, instead of giving me silent treatment for days. I can see his effort in trying to implement that when we have conflicts, and I appreciate his effort. That's what gives me hope in our relationship, that I actually sense his effort in making him work as I know he is absolutely clueless on his own.

But alas, me threatening to leave him has taken its toll, because to him I'm holding the relationship hostage. I have a bad tendency to blurt out and express that I want to leave him impulsively, when I am so frustrated and feels so hopeless. But when I have calmed down, I would usually tell him that I didn't mean it. I understand that it is very hurtful to him though, but I have not learned to control myself enough to stop that.

So...yeah, bad. Sorry for the lengthy post. Any advice on how to work on the relationship would be appreciated.