I haven’t exactly been in the right state of mind for the last year. My head has multiple voices bickering with each other and myself about my mistakes or my actions. Anything I think about is wrong to some part of me and I keep telling myself that it’s nothing which is true. Because it is considered nothing, I don’t know how to face it.

I also struggle with speaking honestly with my friends. I truly do love them and I cherish them more than anything, but I rarely speak about anything other than speeches, history, school, or blatant screaming. It’s painful because I haven’t exactly been a good friend to them. Maybe a good person, but not a good friend and I never see a chance to. The quarantine has given these thoughts time and space to rise up and to finally root themselves in my head because I have no one to distract me, to feel genuine long term happiness with.

I know I’m probably alright, I keep telling myself that, but I don’t understand what’s stopping me from accepting it.