Specifically: the potential to fight better.

I spent so much time analyzing and replaying the flood of negative characterizations he'd direct at me whenever he was angry that at some point I broke it down to basics.

What do you do when someone does something that really angers you? I had to accept that some times happen and had to accept I would be on both ends of that anger if I wanted to live fully. I also had to accept that people who love each other sometimes fight. It can't be avoided. Sometimes the mood they're in or other stressors will play a part in it but-

You don't argue to win, you don't argue to punish the other, to discipline or humiliate them. You shouldn't accept them calling you names, belittling and humiliating you, being sarcastic. You argue because something isn't right and it needs to be fixed. So that's what you do. It gets heated because it's personal but it stays on the matter at hand until it's solved. It's not an excuse to vent all your frustrations, destroy the other.