Wall of text, incoming!
So, in 6th grade, I met the girl that would be the object of my creepy affection for 4 years. Let's call her M. M was a very sweet girl, very kind, and absolutely adorable. She was also tiny, but that's not particularly relevant. This wasn't the sexual kind of crush, never once thought of her that way.
I sat next to her all of 6th and frequently asked to borrow her agenda. In 7th, my desk in homeroom let me see her in her own homeroom class. 8th grade, we shared a few classes, fairly unremarkable. End of the school year, we attend a meeting for some random program they were experimenting with. 9th grade, we both ended up joining the program at school meant to take troubled under achievers and push them.
School counselor recommended this program to me and asked for me and my mother to attend the meeting. I agreed because I felt pressured. Holy shit, M is sitting next to me. RIGHT. Fucking. Next to me. She signs her name on the handout, I'm fucking sold. 7 classes, 6 of them with her. I was in heaven.
9th grade pt.2. I flunked because of excessive absences and went to an alternative school to repeat 9th. So did she, thank you god! All is well. Half way through the year, my online buddies (all girls) convinced me to finally confess. Too many coincidences, must be fate! It's freezing outside, early morning, she pulls in to the parking lot. I approach her and her friend, ask her if I can talk to her for a second. She smiles and says sure (I had a negative reputation, so her response surprised me).
My voice squeaks as I make my confession, all the while, she's wearing blue glittery lip gloss. Those lips... no, focus, "M, I just wanted to tell you that I've had a crush on you for a long time.... Sorry". Yes. I fucking apologized for liking her. Not my intend, meant to apologize for keeping her outside in 15 fucking degree weather. Shit. I'm shaking. She says "That's cool" and I fucking speed walk away. Lunch room detention. She's there. I'm nervous as hell. I'm doing make up work for my next class, but my nerves are shot. I'm scribbling way too fast, it's unreadable.
Survive and get to the next class. With her, of course. Near the end, her best friend leans over to some guy friends of hers and says, "Hey, did you hear about jericho417? He likes M! She said he's been staring at her like since middle school HAHA! What a creep!". M is sitting apart from them, glances at me, then back to her work. Apparently, she noticed me the entire time gawking at her. So, for 4 years, I stared at this girl and made her quite uncomfortable.
Last day I saw her, she was transferring to the normal high school. She shows up for her last day dressed in all black, a nose piercing, new haircut. We make eye contact repeatedly throughout the day, short glances and some longer ones. I can't look away, I fucking love her new look. Had a lasting impression, I'm now a sucker for girls in oversized long sleeves, hands withdrawn in said sleeves, etc. I was kind of the creepy quiet kid in all black, was just shy and liked black. No cutting, lyrics in notebooks, or any of that crap. I convince myself to say something about it, but ended up shoulder slamming in to her and walking by. Fuck my life. Did not know it was her last day.
Fast forward to today, she's a baby factory (5 kids before 30). Kept all that baby weight and then some. I uhh... looked her up on facebook. Still cute, though.