I’m gay and falling in love with my step-cousin (not blood related)

I know it’s wrong. I’ve struggled my whole life with my sexuality. I still feel… angry about being gay. Why did I have to like men. And why him. Well idk if he’s into me, but we have been hanging out and having a lot of fun, like going for walks and drives. We really connect and he is the only guy I’ve ever felt butterflies over. I really love him but I know I can’t date him. I think deep down I need to accept that I’ll find someone later in life. It’s just hard, when everyone around you is in a relationship, and you can’t find anyone. And it’s hard pushing away those feelings. I’m so. Lonely.