Others said it pretty good. Im a vulnerable/covert narcissist whose whole adult life has been constant narcissistic collapse, and for me it has been "all or nothing" mindset. When I realized (atleast on intellectual level) that I will never achieve greatness, the thought of being just average was so painful that I became total shutin leeching on welfare than looked up for any mundane, blue collar jobs.

Ironically now im 28, not finished any education since middle school, never had a job, unemployable, no driver's license, car, property, no relationship experience, no social circles and generally could be described as a loser if anyone. Last sentence was neutral without any kind of victim mentality BTW. But still at emotional level I have same smug sense of superiority, even though I know how illogical it is.

And all this is what has been main reason behind my "treatment resistant depression/anxiety" that I have been treated for 10 years.