but like i said it's either seen as performative or just a pathological need for opposition; it hinders social connection and the general wellbeing even if that's the opposite of what i'm going for so

Fr? People who talk like this have very poor understanding of conflict, that's why they pathologically avoid it for the sake of "social cohesion" even though the latter is utterly dysfunctional.

For instance, contrarian shit is perfectly fine in specific circumstance - to roll an argument forward. It becomes only silly when it becomes a literal oldest meme on the internet. You're making assertions that hint you can't really discern the two.