Honestly, there's a lot of shit here. But you're not in a mindset of wanting to be better whatsoever. You can't wait to drive everyone to despairing over how hopeless you are, how nothing they do will get thru to you, how they will all have to betray you and abandon you, the poor victim, while you sob in self-pity. And then fall apart and become a homeless wretch turning tricks with any ol' shady dude to try and score some blow or crack, and getting raped on the regular. Or something, who cares, you'll make it up as you go. And you'll make them all feel so sorry for how they treated you. And you'll be so, so, bad.

Totally agree the self-pity angle is despicable. And I’m still doing it, as I admitted. I do want to be better but to your point, maybe my mindset is still stuck in playing the victim, which is a good manipulation tactic to avoid real change. So yeah, I’ll think on that. Trying to push people to abandon me via my own bad behavior resonates.

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Regarding drug use and homelessness, I have many flaws but I don't think I generally have addictive or impulsive personality traits. I am pretty serious about saving, purchased a home, maxed out my retirement accounts, have good insurance, relatively lucrative employment. So, I would say the probability of that scenario is low, though my brother has struggled with that path and needed help with money and resources over the years, so sure, maybe I’ll eventually fall down that path in the future. He’s a brilliant and talented guy who’s the epitome of the “gifted child” and honestly a pretty great guy despite his struggles with substance abuse so it could really happen to anyone for sure. I'm not immune given my obvious pattern of bad behavior and coping mechanisms.