What the fuck am I doing? Clean up advice?

Hey, can I get your opinion? It would mean a lot to me.

Here is what I have so far, I'm going to have it written down with me and walk through it. I'll improvise the other things I want to talk to her about after like asking if she told her friend about me or just the ex, but this is the part I know I cant keep in my head because if I try to improvise it I may end up throwing in some judgments. I'm trying my best to remove as many as I can, but Im still new to this so would like some feedback.


So I wanted to talk to you today because quite frankly I feel lost and confused about everything.
I need to figure out what's going on with everything because I have no idea what I'm doing or should be doing.

I have a need for open communication and honesty. When I don't hear from you for long periods, I feel insecure. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong, If you're conspiring with your ex to run away overnight, or if you changed your feelings about me and ignore me so I go away. Because I have OCD, my mind begins to wander about these things and I have even had panic attacks.

This gets even worse the days you invite us over after I have just spent a long period in worry. It sends me very mixed signals. On the one hand, I am interpreting that you don't want to communicate with me, on the other, you are inviting us over and therefore me, over for company. I am in emotional pain because I do not understand how to interpret this. I do not know if you want to see me, or if you are keeping an image.

I will not tell you who you can or should like, what you should feel, or what you can or should do with your life. Those are your decisions to make. I have no desire to control your life. I want to make that clear.
I would like to tell you how I feel about your ex though. - I feel uncomfortable when he tells you to be with your family and then buys you a plane ticket. I question his intentions. I do not believe they are genuine. Did you feel abandoned when he said this to you? - I feel uncomfortable when he joins a gym with you remotely and then you are angry at your husband for his weight. Was he going to the gym before you started talking? Or did he join because he learned that you have a need for your partner to be healthy? Did he introduce this need? Did he influence your current perspective of your husband? Think about that on your own. - I feel uncomfortable when you told me he was willing to move here to be with you. Has any of his plans included your kid? I feel his intentions are not genuine and cannot trust him when he talks about you and family while at the same time plans for you to leave family.
- I feel anxious about your emotional well being because of your previous decision to fly out for him. You asked me "why do guys always talk about sex?" just beforehand and yet later admit what "might have happened" afterwards. Do you think he might have planned for that outcome?

All of this leads ME to believe that there is a double standard here. On the one hand, I hear him telling you what he thinks you want to hear, and then I see that he does the opposite. I sense an emotional push and pull game where you become the victim of a general in-justice like possibly becoming your husbands caretaker when hes too overweight to walk, and then he comes in and "rescues you" by showing you that he will "never let that happen" by going to the gym. or by telling you to be with family, and then trying to pull you over. I believe he took advantage of your emotional state. If I am wrong and I've been receiving the wrong facts, please correct me and help me learn what his intentions and motivations are.

I have a need to know that the people I love are safe from any dangers, emotional or physical. I am afraid that this man may be taking advantage of you and would like it if you could please help me calm my fears. I would like to see evidence that he respects you, I would like to see evidence that he cares about your needs and not just his own.

/r/adultery Thread Parent