About a year ago my psychiatrist left and there was no other to replace him for a few months. The only other psychiatrist in the company was someone I "fired" for not listening to me. I was going through EMDR trauma therapy, dealing with many intense childhood issues at once, and the anxiety that I was experiencing became so intense that I couldn't eat for 4 weeks. I forced myself to have a slice of bread every day. I couldn't sleep, and was having massive panic attacks all day, from the moment I woke up to the time I passed out, hungry and exhausted. I was afraid that I would end up in the hospital for either the psych issues or the lack of food, or both. So, I bought some marijuana and kratom. The combination alleviated the symptoms while still allowing me to process things in therapy and become a much more stable, happy person. It's been over a year and I haven't told my therapist or doctor about it because I don't want the focus of my treatment to suddenly shift to kratom and marijuana, when they are actually a bigger help than any pharmaceutical I've been on, with very little downside. So, I'm hiding what I'm doing, like a drug addict, in order to not be seen as a drug addict.