Fermented human sauce

To a gallon mason jar, add human and sugar. Add in the vinegar to cover. Cover the mouth of the vessel with cheesecloth and secure with a rubber band to keep out pests.

Stir the mixture once a day for the first week, at which point the natural yeasts on the skin of the human will start to ferment the sugars into alcohol. Let the human ferment for another week, stirring occasionally. It should be bubbling lightly as the yeast ferments the sugars into ethanol and releases carbon dioxide.

Remove the cheesecloth, strain out and discard the solids, and add the liquid back to the jar to ferment into vinegar. Cover again with the cheesecloth.

Check the vinegar after 4 weeks (it may take up to 3 months to fully convert), taste the vinegar for acidity. Start using the human vinegar immediately, or age the vinegar for a year or more to mellow the flavors.

Begin a new batch with your mother, or give some of it away as a starter.