There’s a lot of things.

The first is flatulence. My partner passes gas in the most vile way, CONSTANTLY. Sometimes I start to get into the idea of intimacy while engaging, and the he passes gas and I can’t help but be disgusted by the sound and smell. It’s an instant mood killer. I persist anyway, because he it’s not likely he can fully help flatulence (though he states he has IBS and does nothing to address it nor go to a gastroenterologist as I’ve insisted upon) but it does tend to ruin the experience for me. I feel nuts, it’s a Seinfeld-sequel problem — he’s a great partner but his damn farts.

Second, it’s so effortful. I’m not in great shape but not exactly unhealthy, but it just feels like it takes FOREVER to pump and other activities. I’m sure it’s 10/15 minutes max but I feel exhausted every time and often cramp up. There’s not a session I haven’t had to switch hands or methods. We pretty much only ever do one of us at a time (almost always him since I’ve got a Zoloft sex drive), and the idea of doing us both just sounds exhausting.

Third, and to others the most concerning for whom I’ve disclosed, I’ve rarely have given “enthusiastic” consent. Most of the time, I actively show hesitation and discomfort with us engaging in intimacy outside of our normal hours. I have the mentality that you don’t have any intimacy while the sun is fully up (religious trauma sigh) but sex drives aren’t nocturnal. But if he insists upon intimacy I just go through the motions. Our most recent session he complimented how well I was doing, and I blabbed that was surprising since I wasn’t into it. Most of the times I just have to focus on the mechanical aspects of intimacy. It’s like a video game or series of switches, he insists it’s about the feelings of intimacy but from the methods and results it’s clear to me the only thing that matters is the mechanics of intimacy.

There’s more but those are the big three, I think.