(Tldr) Tomorrow the 23rd of january is the 4 year anniversary of my mother's suicide, my birthday is the 21st of January. She left me and only me (not my other 2 brothers) a message on facebook. About how she was sorry she was a shitty mother. That im the reason she couldn't bare living anymore.

Deeper story She was an addict (drug of choice was always crack), she manipulated me onto visiting her by calling me up and crying and calling me names saying i didnt love her telling me she should just kill herself those types of things to 5 year old me. and when i got there instead of visiting with me she would make me do her chores that she neglected since the last time i was there. (mountain of dirty dishes in the sink, multiple baskets of laundry that are mounded over). Anyways she relapsed multiple times had my younger half brother removed from her custody when i was 16 after that I told her she gets one more chance if and if she fucks it up she will have lost me too. She inevitably relapses i go no contact with her for 8 years. I reach out to her around tha ksgiving 2011 to try and rebuild a relationship. We talk on the phone every weekend. I see her on her xmas and birthday in december she seems to be doing well but more tired thwn i remember. January rolls around a lady friend takes me out on my birthday my phone dies, i dont have a charger, i miss my moms phone call. I spend the night at friends house I work in the morning no time to go home to charge phone. I get asked to work a double i fall asleep as soon as i get home at 7. wake up to knock on my door at 2am police car is in my drive way i answer the door they inform me whats happened and offer to escort me to my moms house where i learn shes overdosed on heroin. Im in shock i tell them i thought she had cleaned herself up. I go home i plug my phone in to charge so i can start calling my other family members that need to know. And i see the notification of a facebook message on my phone.