I'm also dealing with this right now. The hard part is that when we're together, everything is perfect. She's a bit younger, just enough so to bring out a side of me that's a little more innocent and fun. But she's got so many problems. Borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, self harm, general anxiety and depression...

And she's completely emotionally unavailable. I know I'm not her first choice, she makes it abundantly clear but I stick around because I've gotten used to the abuse and find myself equally emotionally unavailable regarding other women. I know she's looking for something else, and I've gotten to the point where I'm doing the same, but nothing feels right. From her mannerism to the way she wants to be treated in bed, anything else seems like a compromise I'm completely unwilling to make. I don't want some normal girl, I feel imcompatible in everything fetishes to attitude.

It's really the inverse of the bad boy scenario. Shes the bad girl and I understand why so many women find themselves in the same position. Life just seems dull without her, I'm so mindfucked and stretched out. Emotionally exhausted but the best thing to come out of it is that I have zero sexual desire regarding any other women, and have finally come to a place where I can treat them like people because I want nothing more from them.

The worse part is that in my reaching out to find other women, I've found some great girls that I just wouldn't be able to appreciate. There's no appeal, not all girls are into being spanked and treated rough but this girl loves it. Everything else seems unsatisfying.

I'm trying to get to a place where I can just let relationships run there course. I'm not interested in something secure, monogamy seems like a sickening thought. I feel fucking sick because as crazy as I am about this girl, she's my first choice, and I know I'm not hers.