I'm not sure how to phrase this, because I do mean well, and I just know I'm going to be considered the bad guy by the peanut gallery just for disagreeing with you.

Why are his feelings more important than mine?

I think that this is a completely unfair statement to make. I've lived a long time with a stepmother that used this phrase all the time to justify minimizing the hurt she was doing to me.

e.g., "this matters a lot to me, it makes me feel bad that you are taking this from me." "why do your feelings matter more than mine!?"

why is it a competition as to whose feelings are "more important?" Why can't this be a situation where we acknowledge that feelings aren't logical, and that you can hurt them despite being "right"? And why can't we be considerate about recognizing that, and realizing that, sometimes, two people can have differing feelings that cause mutual hurt without either person's feelings being "more important"?

it feels to me like, in these situations, you're elevating "having feelings are all" to "asserting that their feelings are more important than yours", framing the interaction as deliberate disrespect being given to you for the crime of being hurt.

I feel like this is just a totally ass backwards way of looking at it.in a relationship, regardless of importance, their feelings should matter to you, and that doesn't mean they have to be more important.

my feelings are always going to be more important to me than they are to you. that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to say that my feelings don't matter to you, or you frame an interaction where I'm expressing that my feelings are hurt as an attempt to disrespect your own.

sorry for the ramble, but I don't know the exact words to express my sentiment without trying to point fingers. I don't mean to insinuate that you do this, or that your feelings on the matter don't matter. I think what I'm trying to say is that if you take someone expressing their feelings like an attack on the importance of your own, then I think that your framing of the situation shows a lack of empathy, or at the very least, a lack of investment.