that several of her Asian girlfriends say they refuse to date Asian men precisely because they perceive us as being abusive/patriarchal/misogynistic, and that Western/white men would treat them better

Other racial/ethnic communities get tarred with a similar brush since selective feminism is a favorite tool among racists. For example, we constantly hear about Black male domestic violence, especially among athletes. We are bombarded with assertions that women basically have no rights in the Middle East and how Middle Eastern men carry those views around the world (e.g. the Cologne NYE thing). We are inundated with notions of how macho Latin American culture and how women are preyed upon on the streets there.

Yet when these communities are faced with these accusations, the first thing they'll usually do is circle their wagons and tell outsiders not to judge. Even when someone as despicable as Bill Cosby was getting increasingly slammed in the media, many Black people—including Black women—also expressed ambivalence about a high-profile Black man being publicly decimated by the (White) media.

Yet Asians seem so willing to throw each other under the bus based on a few personal experiences laden with confirmation bias or cultural stereotypes about the Evil Asian Patriarchy (in contrast to the Benevolent White Patriarchy).

I hope more Asian women will offer their input here, because it seems to me when the belief that "Asian men are sexist" is coupled with the idea that "Therefore only White men are dateable," then that just reeks of using the very real issues of gender inequality as a "Get out of Jail Free" card in order to assimilate into Whiteness.

It feels just like the age-old colonial mentality of thinking that the White man will lead to a better life. But now it's given a respectable pseudo-progressive veneer that's well-protected by White Liberalism and White Feminism.