This is probably too late, but I’m gonna post it anyway because it’s my absolute favorite gossip story.

Back in the day, a girl transferred to my public high school from a private Christian school maybe twenty minutes away. She was beautiful, immediately made varsity cheer and became super popular within about five minutes of being there. Typical nauseating high school bs.

Rumors start swirling around and pretty soon why she transferred is public knowledge: the cheerleaders and football players were on a school bus on the way back from a football game. Apparently, she was ~discreetly~ having anal with her boyfriend at the time in the middle part of the bus. Something went wrong. Very wrong. Her sphincter ripped or something of the sort, and the shit just started free-flowing everywhere. It ran down the bus and pretty soon people started screaming about the feces sliding down the bus. Meanwhile, this girl is seriously injured. The bus pulls over and an ambulance comes and rushes her to the hospital. Parents are called to come get their kids from this middle-of-nowhere highway because the bus is covered in shit. It’s a whole thing. So, she gets her butthole patched up and transfers to my school.

A few years go by. She’s graduated. I’m a senior and I’m at a friend’s house and their mom has the Miss America pageant on the tv and, lo and fuckin behold, THERE’S POOPY ANAL GIRL. SHE’S IN THE PAGEANT. She looks incredible, she’s dazzling and well-spoken, but a part of me was just so overjoyed that Miss X State is known in her hometown for having anal sex and clearing out an entire bus load of kids with her explosive shit. I love that. ~she’s beauty and she’s grace~

Note: not slut shaming. Not even poop shaming. I just find the whole situation hilarious and, as it’s been ten years, I hope she does, too.