I actually deleted my old account because I mentioned some of this on it and I was worried people would know it was me and know all of it. I have memories of my mom trying to kill me in a pool when I was about 5 or 6. I distinctly remember her dunking me underwater and holding me there and when I was brought up, she would pinch my nose shut and cover my mouth with her hand and dunk me back under. I can't remember why she stopped but I remember being scared that she was taking the joke too far. Later on in life, I was having a hard time in the world after getting out of the Marines. Got addicted to xanax and pain pills, lost my home and my wife/mother of my child. Moved back in with my mom and we spiraled down together. One night she was just so depressed she wanted to kill herself, but didn't have the balls to do it. So she asked me to slit her wrists for her in the tub. I did it and waited for an hour and she didn't die. I thought I had done it the right way, up the street, not across. She still didn't die. As I sat there watching my mom lose color, I panicked because I thought that since this wasn't a natural death, it would be investigated and my finger prints would be on the razor and I'd be charged for murder. I called 911 and she ended up making it. She was committed to a mental health facility and I was left on my own. So I attempted suicide using the same method, it didn't work for me either, I guess I didn't cut deep/far enough up the arm. I did have an awakening though. While I was recovering no one came to see me. No brother, no dad, no wife/child. I realized I had driven away people I KNEW cared about me. I changed everything in my life and got clean on my own. I'm with my wife now, and our kid is great, I don't have a problem with drugs at all anymore. My mom died last year of an overdose of morphine and some anti-depressant. My brother had a nervous breakdown and was angered with me because I didn't/couldn't cry at the wake. I didn't want to tell him about my experiences with our mom because it would only hurt him more I think. I haven't even told my dad. I don't know how to even bring it up.