My mum - far to overbearing and clingy very smothering also babying .Constantly phoned /text asking where I was when I was a teen more so late teen . My dad was more where are you going? Who with? And what time are you home? That was it , plus he’d say any problems phone me.
My mum is also constantly wanting physical affection hugs etc. Used to rest hand on my leg which used to irritate the fuck out of me. Just constantly wanting to be next to me etc Even when I said no she would get angry and snap at me.
She never let me breathe. She tries to do it to this day and uses her favourite line “I gave birth to you and it hurts when you don’t want a hug” She still calls her self mama to me , and calls me baby. It makes me cringe!
She’d refuse to tell me if someone in the family died (she did this when my granddad died) and if she had to she’d super play it up with “are you okay, are you sure you’re okay” almost as if she was deliberately trying to make me cry.
One time my brother had collapsed from an alcohol overdose and he was carried back to my house and very nearly died. It was around 1am , so I was asleep at the time till I heard the commotion from my attic room, I lifted trap door slightly and I could hear my mum hysterically crying and my dad speaking to the emergency line. My mum went with my brother to hospital and I stayed upstairs. In the morning my mum pretended everything was normal and happy. This went on for a good hour till I shouted at her “So when are you going to tell me about my brother being unconscious and being in hospital?!” Her face went pale , and she started stammering at me and I said to her I’m not a little kid anymore stop hiding stuff from me and pretending everything’s normal. Since then she did tell me if anything happened to family etc but she still babies it out at me.
She’s started babying my kids now and makes them sit on her knee and forces them to kiss her cheek or demands a hug and smothers them with kisses even when they say no.
My Gran was total opposite with her as in she’d have to fight for affection and approval of things my gran would even give presents from my mum to other people instead and thus my mum vowed to be nothing like that but took it full circle and in my opinion too extreme.
I’ve spoken to my mum about this several times and she dismisses me. Even my dad has tried talking to her to no avail.
I’m affectionate with my kids when they ask for a hug. I ask for hugs and if they say no I respect that. I’m trying to bring my kids up to be still affectionate but on their terms. I’ve also told my eldest they are welcome to talk to me about anything etc and I will listen to them. I never feel comfortable talking to my mum about some topics and I don’t want to make my kids feel that way with me. I openly talk to my eldest about death and I don’t keep it a taboo for her.