All right I'll get straight to the point. I found marijuana in the house. And while I never thought of myself as the kind of father who would drug test his kids, I'm wiling to do just that if that's what it takes to find out who brought a joint into this house.
Mom? Dad? We found something too. I found a joint in mom's dresser drawer. I was just looking for a scarf to go with my outfit! I mean, it's really none of my business if you and mom like to-
Don't finish that sentence. I assume your'e referring to this? The joint that Happy found lying on the floor. The same joint that I then put into your mother's dresser drawer?
Oops.
What a relief, I mean, it's not like we thought mom was a stoner or anything....
Wait, then whose joint is it?
beat
It's mine.
You gotta be kidding me
Simone wait
Lucy Mary why don't you go up to your rooms? We need to talk to Matt.
Just what the hell do you think you're trying to pull?
Eric, calm down.
I think I've been about as calm as I could be throughout this, now it's time for some answers. It's not enough that you're doing dope, but you have to bring it into our house. What if one of the younger kids had found this first?
I didn't think that-
That's exactly right you didn't think because if you thought of anyone besides your self for 2 seconds, it might have occurred to you that the look that you just saw on Simon's face was the look of a kid who has lost all respect for his older brother.
Eric
Is this why you never held down a job? Cuz hey, here's something that doesn't take a whole lot of skill just a lighter and a complete lack of self respect.
That's not why
I'm not finished! Just tell me one thing, it will help me sleep better at night. Tell me that you wanted to get caught, because surely you didn't think we were so stupid that we wouldn't find out. Or better yet, tell us how anyone could be so stupid as to do drugs in the first place.
I don't Dad Why don't you ask Mom? Maybe she can explain it to you.
Don't you dare bring your mother into this. Apologize right now.
Beep Beep
Your'e not going anywhere.
I'm not staying here.
Don't you dare walk out that door!
Damnit. What have I done?