I basically ruined two of my own biggest ambitions in the span of a day back in freshman year.

So, I was always the fat, nerdy kid. I liked art and computers. I couldn't sing or dance to save my life. In middle school, I got really big into musicals (because of anime musicals, no less...you get how nerdy I was now, right?) And I started thinking about how badly I wanted to get involved in one. Well, the middle school didn't have a theatre program, and the community theatre had a reputation for being a cesspool of entitled moms and spoiled kid actors. So I decided to wait until high school to try it.

Freshman year comes, as does the first production of the year. I go to audition. Remember how I said I couldn't sing or dance? That still held true, and I realized my mistake as I walked into the room they were auditioning in. But I didn't get dramatic, start crying, or run out, I tried. And the teacher said she would call us on the phone number we provided on the audition form to let us know...

Except me. She knew right away that I wouldn't make it on stage. She approached me discreetly in the middle of the audition to ask if I wanted to do theatre tech instead. I sheepishly said sure, teach, that's cool.

I was so deeply embarrassed and disappointed in myself that I never showed up to learn tech, let alone be a part of the team. Walking into that audition, I was prepared to settle, but walking out, I never wanted to even think about getting near a stage again.

I wish I could say that this improved, but no luck. I've avoided theatre since, aside from very casual high school classes that are more about improvisation than any other techniques or true performances (only once a different teacher replaced the first).

I still beat myself up for it, too. I was way too naive and stubborn, and now I need a direction to my life that any of that could have provided had I only thought ahead and worked harder.