Sympathies and good wishes, it sounds like you are trying like hell to connect and it's just not clicking enough.

I'm going to suggest you be a 'joiner' for a while. Because you don't like being the focus of attention, get in medium to large groups where everybody's doing the same thing and nobody's staring at you, they're facing forward at the choir director or rowing down a creek. Like try out for a choir. Join the sierra club and just show up for camping and canoeing trips. Don't just go to music festivals, find your favorite one and offer to be a volunteer at it all weekend.

I know you're still nervous, but join whatever thing seems to be the least intimidating, and make yourself go, and just smile serenely at people and get them talking about themselves, and do whatever the activity is. Show up just as it's getting started if you dread the small-talk beforehand. Later on you can start going early or staying late. And search for someone just as uncomfortable as you and say 'i hate the crowd scene, don't you?' etc.

And with some of these people, it is not going to click, and you're a grownup so you already know that. But some of it will. If the first thing doesn't work, try another group.

And quit writing off old people, there's probably some old coots in the neighborhood who could show you a few things about poker!