Oh man I've got this one.

So in February I tried to kill myself and was taken to the hospital. Bc of covid no one was allowed to go beyond the waiting room with me. I was admitted against my will to the psych ward, as I was completely incoherent and had zero fucking idea what I was signing or doing.

Trying to get myself discharged was the most terrifying, traumatizing, and frustrating experience of my entire life. One 'rule' was that I had to tell some woman (who worked for a company separate from the hospital) that I was WILLING to stay in the ward, because if I said that I wanted to leave, then I would be considered a flight risk. I went back and forth with this lady for an hour, sobbing. Kept saying, NO, I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE, but that doesn't mean I'm going to try to fucking escape in the middle of the night. I have no choice but to fucking be here. There was zero way out. But I had to say the words "I want to be here," in order for her to NOT admit me for another week plus, and have to go in front of a judge to eventually leave.

Terror. Horrible rule. Made no sense and still causes me problems. I was so terrified that I would not ever be able to leave. No phone, no numbers memorized except my mother's, no books, no understanding, nothing......Fuck...