I've lived in 3 different states and have had several different homes within those states. It was always the same for me. I've never been able to make friends or really connect with anyone. At most I had a few other "losers" who hung close by at school because all of us were in the same lonely situation. We weren't really friends but at the time a little company was better than nothing.

I used to be very outgoing. I was the energetic and adventurous one in the family. I've done plenty of things just for the experience and to try something new. Then I got into a funk for a while. After that I got a rush of "fuck yeah" energy and got back out there.

I dieted and exercised to remove my funk induced weight, bought new clothes, and got back out there in various meets, conventions, classes, etc to meet people and have fun. But it turned out the same way, again.

I still was unable to make any friends. No matter where I went things would end up the same way. I'd start in the middle of things and talking to people and whatnot. Then after people lost interest or just moved on to whatever else I ended up migrating toward the edges of where ever I was. I'm end up at the outer part of the area messing with my phone because I ran out of people to talk to or things to do. Then I'd just go home because all I was doing was standing around anyway.

I'm not a jerk and at work I'm often treated at the go-to guy because I'm easy to get along with, at least on a professional and superficial level. And because of my aforementioned general talents.

I've tried to "get out there" many, many times. Other people just aren't interested in me. I'm human background noise, like a ticking clock or a table fan. I don't really add anything but I don't really detract from anything either. I get easily tuned out and if I suddenly left no one would really notice.

Across the past ~15-20 years, 3 states, multiple jobs, and dozens of various events there is only one common factor. And that factor is me. I appreciate the gesture and kind words but after everything this is the only thing that makes sense. I'm just not a person who people want on a personal level.

I don't have any friends and I've been unable to get a date in ~7 years. So at least all of my money and free time can go into my hobbies. So, that's nice.