Being a member of the Florida circuit, I was drawn to recent posts regarding my home state. Here I saw two teams in particular being on the receiving end of mucho flaco (not the A$AP kind of flaco, it isnt pretty). So I have decided to write up a story concerning Oak Hall GS (or "Oak suckmyballs" as they are commonly known) and Timber Creek "Bye Round" ER also known as "Basically Novices". Throwing this out there, both of these teams are pretty irrelevant so I cant refer to anyone by name (I do have some cool nicknames though!)
Code Breaker for names: Oak Hall speaker 1= Danny D, Oak Hall speaker 2= Johnny Sins Timber Creek speaker 1: Lisa Ann, Timber Creek Speaker 2: Asa Akira
Pre round: Oak Hall is pretty confident that they have this round off, so they don't show up. After 45 min of searching tab finally finds them attempting to lick Matt Redler's scrotum. All the while, Timber Creek has been discussing coin flip strategy. Lets just say the have decided to call heads this time. After calling heads and losing the coin flip, Asa was pretty stoked that Oak Balls decided to flip first (again they still think this is a bye).
Constructive: Lisa Ann reads a Sho Meyourgenitals K and then procedes to ask the judge to stay after class for some "EXTRA LONG stuhD sessions" ;). Danny D reads a Black Lives Matter FW with a with a specific plan of banning abortions of African American babies because it takes away their ability to succeed before they are even born.
1 CX: Pornstar from Oak Hall #1 asks when they are going to concede because he was assured that he had a bye and he has some nuts that need to be licked and a shit that needs to be taken. During that time Lisa Ann (1st speaker from Timber Creek) has been blowing the judge... away by telling him of her impressive record including 1 career bid round and going to school with teammates that are slightly above mediocre.
Rebuttals: Johnny Sins refuses to speak because he thinks this is a test from tab to see if he truly wants the bye. Asa Akira notices the GAPING ;) hole in her opponents advocacy but fails to mention it because she is busy plowing... through the wrong side of the flow. (God fucking dammit the fact that these kids are so unknown is bothering the fuck out of me. why cant people hate on teams that arent subhuman shit.)
You know what fuck it. I agree with all of the criticism. I wanted to write a story in which I satirized people making fun of them like I have done in the past. But I have no fucking clue who these kids are (and I compete against them at tournaments, I may even have hit them before but they are so random that I have no fucking clue). Most of the criticism is probably true, and the amount of anger I have towards these teams for not giving me enough things to post about them annoys me.
By the way whatever the decision was Matt Redler decided that these teams were too shitty for him to protest the round, he instead decided to eat an entire lemon pepper rotisserie chicken. Him not calling judges fucking retards is like the Kool-Aid man not saying "Oh Yea". It never happens. These kids must be awful.