Please skip my comment if you dont wish to hear about details of my past with my rapist!
*
I also dated someone who raped me. I continued to date him until he broke up with me so it was really hard to come out and tell anyone what happened; because I knew exactly what it would seem like: a bitter ex trying to get some revenge and ruin an innocent guy's reputation. Anyway, at the age of 15 (in 2005), I had a very narrow definition of rape. (Mostly it consisted of strangers jumping out of bushes type situation.) Certainly my very popular boyfriend, who charmed everyone he met, wouldn't and couldn't be a rapist! Not someone with good grades, who came from a "good family". Not someone who could have dated any number of other girls. No, he chose to date me; Someone who was super awkward and shy and uncomfortable in her own body. Someone who barely had any friends and was always found in the back of the class (social anxiety issues), hidden behind her hair and her books (yes, I was one of those kids). It was a huge surprise when he asked me out. I just didn't quite fit into his life. But I had such a huge crush on him, all I thought was how lucky I was.
And now thinking back maybe all those traits were what attracted him to me? Maybe he wanted someone awkward and anxious. Someone with a small friend group. Who would take my word over his? The relationship lasted 6 months. Of those 6 months I don't remember how many were spent on my bed forcing himself on me. Or in his bed. 5 years later I was in college. I hadn't dated anyone since him. I was watching some video in my human sexuality class that mentioned rape and it just clicked in my head. Hey, that story sounds like mine. Is that called rape? Was I raped??? queue panic attack.
I don't know when but sometime within what I assume was a month I ended up in counseling with a doctor of psychology who listened to my story and assured me that it was rape. I kept going to her for years and she really helped put things into perspective. I'm still so grateful for her. I wish I could carry her in my pocket lol.
Anywaaaaay! If you read this far thanks for taking interest! Haha. I feel like stories like this are important to share because you don't hear about them often. But they happen ALL THE TIME. I am a statistically average woman! And yet it doesn't seem average because a lot of us don't talk about it. I'm sure a lot of us don't even realize (or don't want to realize) that what happened to us WAS rape. It was rape. It might not look like it to an outsider but that doesn't make it any less real for us.
I am here and I support you and I believe you.
Ps: if anyone is wondering (because I did) about what my rapist is up to these days: he's moved to Florida and he's in the medical field. I keep tabs on him on Facebook. ✌