I looked around the empty platform of the Chancery Lane tube station. It was good, I thought to myself, that no one was there. Fitting, in a way, that no one would see my final moments. Would it be painful? The thought flashed across my mind. Perhaps it wasn't worth it.

I shook my head in disgust. "Coward" I whispered to myself. "Don't even have the balls to kill yourself. You're pathetic. Well not this time. This time I won't fail." I hissed. "This time I'll do what needs to be done."

What was that noise? Someone was singing. I turned to look at the entrance to the platform and saw a man stumbling towards me. He held a can of Carling in his hand, and a plastic bag that surely contained more of the beer. As he saw me, a smile broke out onto his face and he stopped singing. "Alright mate?" he called out. "Sorry about the singing. Never could hold a tune."

He walked over to the bench that I was sitting on and sat down next to me. I could smell the beer on his breath. "Where you headed to then son?" he asked me.

Damn it. I didn't want anyone on the platform when I jumped. Might scar them for life or something. I was worthless enough as it is. I'd have to wait till this man got on the train before I could do what needed to be done. And by then, I might lose my nerve. I felt myself starting to tear up, and looked away from the man quickly, hoping he didn't see. "I'm just heading to Marble Arch" I lied.

"Huh. Me too" the man responded. "Do us a favour, don't let me drink alone mate." he said, shoving a beer into my hand before I could protest.

Damn it. Couldn't even answer a drunk guys question without it being a total screw up. I cracked open the beer. Might as well drink it. I'd never really drank much before, was always told it wasn't a habit I should start. Given my plans for the evening though, well, not much point in abstaining now.

"What's your name?" the drunk guy asked suddenly.

"It's Michael" I said hesitantly. I'd never been good with people. Didn't feel comfortable talking to strangers. The man took a swig of his beer, oblivious to my discomfort.

"Nice to meet you Michael." he responded, slurring slightly. "I'm Tom." He took another swig of beer and then leaned in towards me and asked "Can I tell you a secret Michael?"

I opened my mouth to reply, not sure what I was going to say, but before any words could leave my mouth, Tom started talking. Internally I groaned. He'd probably tell me a bunch of nonsense.

"I was on this platform two years ago Michael. Well, obviously I've been on it more than just then, but you know what I mean don'y you Mike? I can call you Mike right?" he asked, and then, seeing I did not stop him, continued on. "Well Mike, I was on this platform two years ago today. To the very day. Mind you, was a bit colder that day than this one, but I guess that's what the beer's for ay! Keeps you nice and toasty. But I digress," he muttered, suddenly looking serious,"I was on this platform cause I wanted to end it."

I bolted upright, staring at Tom. How did he know? I was shocked. My heart was hammering in my chest. But Tom was still talking in his drunken slur, oblivious to my reaction.

"See, I wasn't like you are now Mike. You're a good kid, I can tell. You'd never think about killin yourself would you. You got it all. You're young and smart and a decent looker with your whole life ahead of you. Me though, I was nothing. An old miserable man that no one who cared about." Tom plowed on.

I didn't want to hear this. Some attempt at a motivational speech from a drunk man. Tom clearly didn't know I wanted to throw myself in front of the train, and I doubted his ramblings would change my mind. But for some reason I wanted to hear more. I wanted to know why he'd chickened out. I looked down at my beer and realised I hadn't drank any of it yet. I took a sip and listened as Tom went on.

"So I was about to jump right. The train was coming, and I got up to start walking forward." I found myself leaning in. What secret had he learnt? What realisation had he had? What changed his view on life so much that he had stopped before killing himself?

"What happened?" I asked, unable to contain myself.

Tom looked at me in the eyes, and I swore I saw a flash of understanding in them, briefly, hidden beneath the drunken glaze. Maybe he'd realised why I was really there. I heard the sound of the train approaching, knowing that I didn't have much time, I asked Tom again, "what happened?"

Tom looked at me, opened his mouth, and said "I tripped." And with that, he got up, and walked to the tube as it stopped and its doors opened and got on. He turned back to me, smiling and waving as the doors closed and the tube pulled out of the station.

I sat there shocked. "What the fuck!" I yelled, anger and fury coursing through me. "You've got to be fucking kidding me! I listened to that twat for that?" I screamed, turning and kicking the wall. Pain went through my foot, and just like that, all the anger went out of me. I slumped on the floor, back against the wall. Suddenly, I couldn't be angry. Tom had looked so serious when he was telling me that story. The only reason he was alive, two years later, was cause he tripped. I started giggling. And I thought I always messed everything up. Tom literally couldn't walk the 3 metres it was to jump in front of the train without tripping. It wasn't funny, not really, but for some reason I couldn't stop laughing. First time I'd laughed in months, and it was about a man trying to kill himself. Jesus that was out of line. Slowly I stopped laughing.

Surely he must have tried again though. I mean, tripping might have spoiled it that day, but why didn't he try again later? He could have come back the next day and tried again. "Maybe he stumbled" I said out loud, bringing on another round of giggling.

The more I thought about it though, the more curious I was. One setback can't have convinced him not to do it. 'Well I guess there's only one way to find out,' I thought to myself. 'I'll come back tomorrow and see what stops me then. Maybe I'll fall down the stairs or something' I thought, which set me off in another fit of giggles. And with that, I turned round and walked out the station, chuckling quietly to myself.