"Alright, everyone, sit down." Chief of Staff Dan Newton said, "President Palmer's plane sets down in an hour and we've got a lot to cover."
He looked across the situation room, where the Chiefs of Staff were gathered around a the oak table. They were joined by Harry Fitzpatrick, the Director of Central Intelligence.
"Fitz, what's the situation?"
"Approximately 12 hours ago, famed comedian Danny Glennon left CIA headquarters in Langley with a briefcase full of documents. 8 hours ago, he got on a plane to Moscow. We believe the Russians turned him."
"Glennon...I know that name." Dan said, "Who is that?"
There was a nervous exchanged of glances.
"He did parody porn." Fitz said, "Putin it in You and the Kim Dong Il series."
"Sweet God..." One of the chiefs whispered.
Dan was startled, but he tried to compose himself.
"What did he take?"
"Several manuscripts, including his work on Vlad the Inhaler." Fitz said, "We also believe he was in possession on our latest obesity statistics and at least one classified video of Vice President Stanton when he got drunk at the G7. It's the worst breach since Franco and Rogan defected to the Cubans."
Dan shook his head, turning to his secret service agent.
"Agent Foles, I need you to go fetch the Veep. Confine him to the bunker behind Watergate. The last thing we need is that idiot giving them ammunition."
"Yes sir!" The agent said, departing.
"Alright...we need to come up with some response scenarios."
"I think we need a proportional response." Fitz said, "Maybe we should try to lure one of their parody smut guys. We pay better and we've got Hollywood production value."
"Denial?" Naval Commander Brett Schaub said, "We need to get out ahead of this thing! Hit them with something like The Dictator. The Naval film academy have a wonderful idea for a sketch comedy series..."
"A preemtive decapitation strike? Are you out of your mind?" Fitz yelled, "Coming from the branch that was defeated by the Village People no less."
Schaub sat down, angry.
"We need to get the President in front of an open mic, ASAP." Fitz said, "He can do a lot of damage by himself."
He was right, Dan knew. President Palmer had been the Daily Show host before he won the 2060 elections on a stout national security platform. He was one of the greatest weapons America had.
"That's a good start." Dan said, "Look, I don't want to start World Roast 2 here. What we need is something targeted and specific. I want all of you to get me the best material your divisions have. And raise us to DEFCOMEDY 4 so that they know we mean business."
The men agreed and filed out, leaving only Fitz and Dan.
"You think we'll make it through this?" Dan asked.
"We survived Idiocracy, didn't we?" He said, "We'll pull through."
"Yeah...you're right." Dan said with a sigh, "I'll tell you one thing, though...I miss the 60s."
Fitz looked puzzled.
"The bomb? The proxy wars?" He asked.
"No." Dan said, shaking his head, "We had Kubrick and Lehrer back then."