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Sermon on the net

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Fucked are the poor in intellect, for I have friends in high places.

You might have heard me mention something about the meek getting into the kingdom of God last time I was down? Maybe you were confused by the word 'meek'? I'll help you out:

Adjective meek

1. Humble, modest, meager, or self-effacing.
2. Submissive, dispirited.
3. Incapable of saying "What the fuck are you talking about you midget jewfro pussy?" and then throwing a mostly full bottle of bud at the actual son of God.

All clear now?

You know, for a while I was just lying in this hospital bed and thinking about turning the other cheek (the one that didn't get cut up by all the glass on the ground.)

I thought to myself:

"Haven't I been through worse before? If I can forgive the torture and murder, I can forgive this."

Then a nurse came in and switched on the television.

Turns out that humanity has been working on new torture methods in the last couple of millenia and has come up with the granddaddy of them all.

Reality television.

"Forgive them Father," I was thinking "For they know not what quality entertainment is."

It wasn't until the 7th day of my neck braced, bed sore ridden, mind numbing imprisonment that I finally saw the truth. I snapped. I couldn't believe it.

They gave me a bill.

$400 for an ambulance? $3000 for ICU treatment? $20 a day for... THE FUCKING TELEVISION?

I don't remember the bit where the good Samaritan submitted an itemized invoice to the traveler for services rendered.

So now, I've had a chat with Satan and we've reached an agreement. For the next few eons I'm gonna turn my cheek so far that I'll be facing the other way.

For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass ...You're all fucked.