3. [WP] You have just been appointed Donald Trump's spokesperson. You are terrified...

[WP] You have just been appointed Donald Trump's spokesperson. You are terrified of a Trump presidency so you try to sink his campaign but everything you do keeps backfiring

Donald narrowed his eyes at me. 'So...you're sure people will love me telling them I hate kittens? I....I don't really hate kittens.'

Patting his back reassuringly, I nodded. 'It's a white lie. You don't like kittens. But you are a man of the people, aren't you? Even a white lie won't be good for you. I suppose we can settle with I don't like kittens, instead of saying you hate them? But I warn you, that will lose you support?'

The man smoothed back his, um, hair, frowning in consideration. 'Okay. Sure. I'll say I hate kittens. And this will win me the election, right?'

I nodded again. 'Oh, of course! You will be the stand out star. Well, more of a stand out star than you already are, Mr Trump. I predict that your place in the opinion polls will skyrocket after this press conference. Now, then. Do you want to go over anything else?'

Trump looked down at the sheet of paper I'd given him, eyes flicking across the page. 'Um...I don't know about...you know the bit where I say I like fornicating with Muslim virgins...is that...I mean, it's not a lie, exactly...but...are you sure it's okay to say this kind of stuff?'

I raised my eyebrows. 'Are you doubting me, Mr trump? Or should I say, Mr Next President? You are the future and these build up your man of the people image. The Mexican comments didn't give you much support- and sir, I really don't understand why, I fully supported them- but these ones, these ones will make Iran clamour to become a 51st state!'

Donald paled considerably. 'Iran...I'm not sure that I'd like that. You know. Iran.'

I shook my head. 'Figure of speech, Donny boy. Anyway, let's get this show on the road!'

My boyfriend stared at me accusingly. 'I thought you were trying to sabotage his campaign? Everyone's saying he's a dead cert to get in now! Even I-' and now he looked horrified, 'even I have grown a strange emotional attachment to the man! How- how could you?'

Tears were in my eyes. Why did nobody believe me? My family thought I'd betrayed them and now my boyfriend. 'I thought- everyone likes kittens, right? How was I know it was a secret conspiracy and everyone was too afraid to say they hated the little bastards and would be relieved that finally someone broke through the silence to speak the truth? How was I meant to know that the whole fucking Muslims things would gain the support of Muslims, of the LGBT groups who liked he was being gender neutral, and the conservatives who thought it was metaphorical and he was literally fucking them over? How? How?'

I collapsed on the ground, sobbing.

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