“I can’t find my fucking keys anywhere!” F4isq shouted to himself as he feverishly shuffled through the cushions of his mother’s basement couch. “Just take the hoverboard!” his mother yelled back. F4 snidely replied, “Well you think it might be kind of tough getting a hoverboard out of Mother Xlernon’s gravitational pull? I mean fuck, even if it did, the hill sphere of Zplzr Mooner alone will crush my Royal Clanixtin Ass!” “Where the fuck are you going? You need to go get me a pack of smokes before you do anything!” At that moment, F4 found the keys to the rocket his grandpa had left him, “I’ve gotta job interview on Earth for fuck sake. I don’t have time to get you your stupid smokes.” “Whaaaaaaaaaat! A job interview?!” F4’s mother began to slither towards him. Helping tie his tie, she says, “I’m so proud of you son! I always knew you were gonna be the first in the family to make something of themselves!” A tear of slime began to ball up in F4’s mother’s middle-eye. “Ah ma! Don’t cry. I mean, it’s just an interview.” She looks up at him threw her now caked-in-toxic-goo-eyes, “Yeah… but it’s something, and I couldn’t be happier or more excited…” A bit of guilt set into F4. Even though he’d been a lying piece of shit his entire life, the feeling of letting his mother down began to move him. But, in true Plixxxxtonion fashion, the feelings of guilt left as fast as they had come, “I need the EBT card mom. Imma need to get some gas, and I don’t get my disability for another 6 seconds (2 weeks in Earthling time). With slime still rolling down the bridge of her tusk, F4’s mother says, “Okay, it’s on top of my dresser under my purple dildo.”
While gliding past the scenery of undiscovered celestial wonders, the cosmos couldn’t phase F4. He had one thing on his mind. Earthling pussy. With the delightful sounds of “Neil Sadaka cover’s Lil Kim’s Greatest Hits” (An album Ayatollah Obama, Supreme Leader of Earth and all vassal’s thereof, had banned from the east end of the Milky Way) blaring out through his two 6x9’s, and 200 lines of imported bath salts pre-fashioned on the dashboard, F4 let out a roar of ecstasy! He was only 20 light seconds from being rattler deep in the wonderful women of Efuct. A website he’d had a sudden access to when the Ayatollah of Earth lifted the sanctions on F4’s home planet.
Finishing off the last 5 lines of bath salts, F4 unexpectedly gets violently yanked into Earth’s atmosphere. Too high to give a fuck, F4 lets his grandfather’s rocket tumble to the Earth, making no attempt to correct the unguided descent, and crash land’s in the town of Barstow California, just a few earth hours from Las Vegas.
A band of filthy Rush fans see’s the wreck and hurries over to see if anybody survived…
BEFORE I CONTINUE WRITING, IS ANYBODY READING THIS, OR AM I WASTING MY TIME? I’M NEW TO REDDIT, SO I DON’T KNOW HOW FAR DOWN IN THE COMMENTS PEOPLE ACTUALLY GO