The meteorologists don't know what's going on.

They can't think of no explanation for the rainbows that appear everywhere these days, crowding all the sky with hundreds of them until everything's just a bunch of color and lights. But I know what's going on. They can't fool me. I know it's the gays behind it.

The gays are causing all of it, I promise you. They've been controlling the weather for years and years, you see. Now they've decided to really have a go at it, and look what they're causing. In the past it was just bad crops out of spite or a disaster so no one would be suspicious. But now they're letting everyone know their powers- coming out of the closet, you know. But it's not just the gays, nosir. It's all of em. All those nonstandard creatures. They're out to get us.

I know you don't believe me. I know I'm just a crazy old man. But it's true. Them lesbians, they can command animals. Every wild dog attack? It's a lesbian behind it. They coming after us. You know they are. And those bisexuals can control computers: send viruses with their minds. They're bringing on a technical apocalypse. And through all this them pansexuals are just stabbing everybody with knives. Did you know that they can throw a knife atcha without even touching it? Once it was just pots and pans but now it's all those kitchen tools. They're in league with the devil, boy, and they're growing stronger.

I know you don't believe me. I know you're not gonna believe me till it's too late. Till the transexuals take away what you were born with and the asexuals cook all your hormones and eat em for supper. That's what they do, you know.

And they're not gonna stop. They're not gonna stop until marriage is destroyed and all the good, straight, normal folk are in-prisoned in those concentration camps. Just like the nazis.

See there? Look at the sky. There's storm clouds brewin. It's the gays. They're all riled up about something. You'd better take cover, boy. If they get word that you're straight...

You just watch yourself.