Hey all I'm very new to this thread. In the few hours I've spent reading posts and hearing everyone's stories I've already found comfort in knowing I'm not the only one who's gone through this.

Here's my story

I'm 24 and Husband is 25. We are high school sweethearts that have dreamed about having a family together since we were 14 and 15 years old. After four years of marriage and patiently waiting for me to finish my degree in Dental Hygiene and paying off my school debt, in Feb 2017 we casually stopped birth control just to see if anything would happen. Got my bfp that first cycle and we were absolutely thrilled. We eagerly shared with our close friends, immediate family and my employer. My pregnancy was very textbook. Had all the standard symptoms; nausea, sore boobs, food aversions and extreme fatigue. Hormones and blood work on track for a healthy pregnancy at 7 weeks. Week 9 rolls around and my symptoms were slightly decreasing, never had any bleeding or cramping just sore lower back but that's stand with my line of work. Went in at almost 10 weeks to check the heartbeat. Nothing. Doctor calls for blood work and it comes back a few days later with my hcg not increasing by much since the first lab and my progesterone dropped to 10. Went in the next day for an ultrasound that showed a blighted ovum measuring 6 weeks which was already a deformed shape. For the next 3 weeks I waited for the miscarriage to complete itself until there was risk for infection, so I was given cytotec. That began 2 weeks of debilitating cramps and heavy bleeding that soaked through my diaper like pads every few hrs. There I thought that hell was over. At this point I was emotionally exhausted but at peace that miscarriage was common and it was just bad luck. Until the real pain sank in as my best friend, both sister in laws, and two cousins consecutively announced their pregnancies in the next few weeks. Since this I've had severe anxiety attacks that have affected my ability to work (difficult to administer anesthesia or hold a sharp scaler mid hyperventilation and trembling hands). Currently struggling between dreadful bouts of bitterness but disappointment that I can't be joyful for these gals in my life. I feel so much pain with each happy update of theirs, and even more pain with how selfish I am to wallow in my self pity when I should be happy for these new lives on the way.