I asked this question as one of those annoying things people do we ask questions because we want to answer them ourselves but have never been asked before.

Trust me this is going to be a wanky post but I feel this is not the sort of thing to share on Facebook (unless you're one of 'those' people), and I've always been one of 'those' people that needs to share and validate their current feelings through sharing.

This song, A Song For Our Fathers, by a band called Explosions in the Sky - has always been to me my 'suicide song'. As in I'd listen to it and think of all the various scenarios in which I would kill myself to, the song I'd leave in my suicide note to play at my funeral, the song I'd play as I'd obsessively pour drinks and lay out pills and put in my headphones as I lay in hospital.

During recovery as I listened to music, I had a lot of playlists that included this song - and as advert to word as Reddit is - I found it incredibly triggering an it would bring back a lot of the ideation I had felt the past few years.

Today, after a long period of spending time with family and friends and getting my priorities in order I arrived home and put on some music - this song of course came on and rather than the feelings it once envoked I listened to it the whole way through happy for the person I've become and felt truly safe, it's a beautiful song that should be appreciated far more than a song that made me feel at peace with dying.

As I said - I asked this question because I had an answer, but I don't want to be that wanky and am genuinely interested in your own answers and so will offer some not quite as sad:

Wedding - Whispered Words - Dan Auerbach

Funeral - And The Hazy Sea - Cymbals Eat Guitars

And - Everlasting Light - The Black Keys

And as my mother once did to me and my children that will now have a chance to one day exist I will sing Dream a Little Dream of Me as I put them to sleep