Some back story: i was hooked on coke by 17, and soon after went through bad comedowns and began using opiates for the comedowns. Codeine, then oxy, poppy tea and finally h and fentanyl. I've been clean from all hard drugs for about 6 months, and was just using around 20 grams of kratom a day. I didn't start drinking much until recent months, i met a really amazing girl and i was tapering my kratom at the time but i met her while drunk and she really liked me for whatever reason so i began drinking all the time because it gave me confidence. I have a really shitty sober personality. Anyways that was a few months ago and i want to try to get sober for myself, and for her. She is currently traveling for the next month and a bit so i took the time to quit kratom, my untravealable vice and then i've also been tryna taper off the alcohol but my dad amd brother are alcoholics and ya i just justify drinking way to much. I can get by on like 3 tall cans a day for maintenance and i'm going to try to taper off as soon as the paws let up from the kratom withdrawal. Today is day 7 clean from kratom. I also didn't take any tramadol today, not even my normal 12.5mg. I am so lost though, i want to be sober so much for myself and everyone around me but i don't know how too even live sober anymore. Bi-polar also runs in my family. I've recalled depressed cycles my whole life, even before any drugs or drinking. Literally just laying in bed for days at a time, pathetic i know.

Anyways i'm hoping once i get over the kratom paws hump i can tackle the alcohol next. I need to make some connections for a support system. I have an addictive personality, no doubting that.