I [20M] have been problems trying to compromise with my girlfriend[20F] sexually.

I grew up with a sex negative upbringing due to a few factors. As such I had almost somewhat of a fear of expressing my sexuality. I always thought I needed to let the girl make the first move. This whole issue caused me serious problems in my dating and negligible, sad sex life. It also caused me to be in a so-so marriage that almost ended cause I was heading toward having an affair. Things have gotten somewhat better, and hopefully things improve.

You need to gain control of your sexuality. Here in the US I do believe there are some people who are trying to suppress young male sexuality while supporting women who want to "take charge and control their own sexuality." I've seen examples where if a woman claims she wants to do x, y, z in terms of sex before she settles down and gets married, she gets a "you go girl" high five. Yet if a guy says the same, they get a "you shouldn't just use women for sexual fulfillment!" I somewhat believed in this thought process, thinking that it wasn't right for a guy to be assertive in what they wanted sex wise. While I was a late bloomer, I wasn't necessarily a prude, but by the time I started waking up to how intimacy works, going after what I wanted, etc., it was too little, too late for me.

One thing you might also be suffering from is fear of being alone. You are allowing yourself to be treated like garbage because you refuse to exit the relationship. I'd suggest ending this relationship, taking time to work on yourself if you have faults such as dealing with social settings, looks, etc.. Don't do what I did and try to constantly see everyone you date as "the one." One thing I hate about my past was my belief that it wasn't OK to date and be intimate with someone knowing the relationship likely wouldn't last. I felt that was me "using" a woman for temporary friendship, companionship, and sexual fulfillment. Guess what, young people today normally have sex with around ten people on average before marriage. Having a robust, numerous partner sex life should be something to look forward to. It is OK to not settle down seriously till one is in their late 20s, if not 30s.

/r/relationships Thread