I am so, so sorry. Life is beyond unfair -- it's both grotesque and uncaring at the same time.

If it makes you feel any better, I am and have been in a very similar situation since the beginning of high school. I'm your age but only a junior in college because I've dropped out twice. Returning to college hasn't made the slightest difference (I'd say it's worse than high school in some ways) except allow me the fleeting joy of getting a good mark back--but even then, I know it amounts to very little since I am too shy to get involved on campus and too self-defeating (and prone to stress) to pursue or even aspire to be anything careerwise. Relationships...I'm too much of an outcast, too skeptical to read the signs as such, and too self-conscious to let myself go when it does (very rarely) happen. This semester's been particularly shit because I've tried to reach out to a professor to only receive an uncomfortable, detached, "thank you for sharing." Even worse, in one of my classes, I had to write my final exam on communication and my 'social world' at the university! So of course, I couldn't lie (partially due to morals, partially due to unimaginativeness) and so I basically outed myself as an AVPD without naming it. Ugh, I could not have gotten rid of that essay fast enough. I dropped it like a grenade into the professor's hands and made a run for it. Ah, sorry, I have gone on a tangent again...but I don't know the solution either. All I know is that I'm tired of this life, too, and, at this point, it seems like hoping for happiness and all its trappings have come to replace the real thing. I'll probably just escape through fantasizing to get me through this holiday break until excessive worrying and anxiety about my grades replaces that in a month's time. What a wonderful life!

I don't mean to be so negative, but I'd hate to minimize or be insensitive to your pain by spouting empty platitudes. But I really do hope things get better -- I hope you can pull through.