In straight-land, OKC is a dating site.

Maybe it's different in lesbian world. There are so many fewer of you that you need more tools to be able to find each other, especially with the decline of gay/lesbian bars since the risk of dating apps.

So the first question I'd ask is - is what you're doing normal in the lesbian community? Are there lots of monogamously-partnered lesbians on OKC? If so ... then I think you've got an argument you can make. But if not, then I think you've got to give.

Your desire to maintain connections in the larger lesbian community (and even make new ones) is fine. But doing it through a dating site seems unfair (even if your profile says that you're monogamously partnered ... and you profile does say that, right? Very clearly, right up top where nobody could miss it?) - not just to your partner, but to women who are on the site to date.

So perhaps you should explore other ways to keep up with the local lesbian community? Maybe there are meet-ups, or other events where lesbians tend to gather, than you could fold into your social circle instead?

And if your profile doesn't say, super-clearly, right-up-top, that you're monogamously partnered and not looking, then you need to ask yourself some hard questions as to why not. (And no, the fact that is has a little checkbox that says "here for friends" doesn't count.)