Today I have a fulfilling career in the professional services line of work that's very challenging. Very happy in that space. But no job or amount of money will EVER match the desire to love for another being. It's the primal and instinctual programming. The suffering, passion, pains, joys in watching someone grow is an adventure I want to explore. I feel that this is my calling.

To reflect on your statement on purpose, I began to realize my sense of value and belief has changed over time. During my adolescence all I wanted to do was to get out of a dreadful hostage situation of being trapped in a completely foreign inside of a room for months at a time. It was no different from prison, except the entire judicial system and people's ideology were vastly different from mine. Being anything from outside the norm would get me arrested or killed. Being raised as a godless American in a country where people worship an invisible power that somehow I should fear made me live a very inauthentic dual life, not trusting of others. These people had do much hatred, they locked me up in a room for 4 months at a time for an innocent trivial matter like speaking to a man. After that, my sense of value was surrounded by achieving freedom and becoming an authentic person again. To achieve this, I knew to become a financially independent and educated woman who made enough to one day help enlighten others of my ugly experience and perhaps give perspective on parts of this world people know so little about. I also wanted to rebuild my life by creating a healthy familial environment. That's why I've been going through therapy for the past 4 years. I want children because I love them. My SO is the first person I met that I felt a real connection with.

It wasn't until the age of 25, 7 years after becoming free, did I ever start speaking up about my experience. Was in fear that somehow I'd get unpredictably punished or life at risk. Obviously things have changed.

I'll have to create a different post about that some other time.