I [35f] found out that my girlfriend [34f] thinks I am a mastermind manipulator

I don't really have much helpful input, other than you probably should break up with her since you don't deserve to be in a relationship with something who demonizes you to your friends. As a victim of past abusive relationships myself, I understand how that can warp your thinking and make you paranoid- but look at what she's doing. She's become the manipulator now. She's literally trying to make people close to you think that you're abusive. As someone else mentioned, maybe her codependency makes her feel as though if something could possibly upset you then it's not an option- but the way the speaks of you to other people..... it's like she really is trying to get pity or something. There's a couple possibilities; she could herself be a master manipulator who lied about her past relationships being abusive on the partner's part, she could (as you said) be unhappy in your relationship and be trying to get pity by lying about you.

I agree with you, but I'll elaborate. My interpretation is that she is unhappy in your relationship- she feels paralyzed from her fear of upsetting you, paralyzed from restrictions on what she can and can't do that she has placed on herself. Every tiny disagreement or mature argument to her feels like a violent fight- she hates arguing and can't comprehend that disagreements can be mature and a natural part of relationships, to her they're all bad and somebody (usually her) is always just the poor suffering victim in it. She thinks that when you disagree with her then you hate her and want her dead. Her feelings on sex are probably complicated, maybe she has a sex drive but no sexual attraction to you, or no sex drive due to a health issue or something, either way she does feel wrong for not being very sexually active right now. She wants to tell people this, tell them how she feels, but she knows deep down that these things are on her- that she needs professional help and to not be in a relationship right now. But she doesn't want to actually deal with her problems, she doesn't want to tell people how awful her life apparently is only to have them sympathize with you and tell her to get help. She wants her feelings to be justified- she wants people to agree that you are trapping her and that you are wrong for arguing with her, she wants to be able to talk about how awful you are while they agree. So she bends the story so she will get the exact reaction she wants, so that people will understand how trapped and sad she feels so she can speak badly about you without any consequences. She doesn't need therapy- why would she when this definitely isn't in her head and you're actually doing this to her?

/r/relationships Thread