Thank you for your response.
It just seems like my friends already know what they want to do and they are already working towards that and enjoying themselves. For example, two of them knew they would do bio and that's what they are doing, one of them knew she was going to do art and that's what she's doing, and another one set out for computer science and that's what he's doing. It seems like they just knew what they wanted to do in highschool, and now they are enjoying working towards those very degrees.
It seems like a lot of my friends have "a thing" that they do or a good at, and that thing is what they are pursuing as a degree.
If I take a step back and don't think about money, I still don't really know what I want to do. There was a time when I would have said graphic design, but I have already experienced what freelance graphic design is like and there was too much pressure and too many hard-to-accomodate customers. For that reason, I can't see myself doing that.
It's also hard not to think about money because I don't want money for money's sake, there is a certain standard of living that I would like to achieve for my family. I want to be able to indulge in some more expensive hobbies like traveling, and owning some land with some offroad toys. I would like to have enough money have a home theater in my house, because I love movies and the movie theater experience and I have wanted to build one for as long as I can remember. I don't think Graphic Design could accomplish that.
Part of me wants to fill the gaps in my knowledge and have a respectable STEM job, but another part of me is afraid I couldnt get through the coursework.
Another part of me wants to go the creative route and be a filmmaker or travel for a photography blog or be an Art Director at Wieden+Kennedy or something.
Another part of me wants to do computer science or electrical/computer engineering and earn the skills to design and program my own smart mirror, or a useful app that people love. I could be a jack of all trades with business, graphic design, and programming skills.
It's hard to tell if I want to do computer science for the money and the respect of having an engineering degree (and the personal pride of getting through it), or if it is something that I would really enjoy.
My college offers an Applied Computer Science degree that can be applied to business with a Business and Entrepreneurship minor, and that sounds tempting. But then I see daunting-sounding PH classes and MTH classes like Vector Calculus and Discrete Mathematics.
Everything in the coursework for a bachelor's in management or entrepreneurship really appeals to me, but I have been reading about how those are useless majors and you essentially learn those skills in the work place. I also dont really feel proud when I tell people I am majoring in Management or that I am pre-business.
I think it would be fun to be a key player in a company that everyone knows and that is on the cutting edge and redefining the world, like Spacex or Google or Tesla, and those things still come to mind when I think of where I want to be regardless of money. Like they make meaningful things. Google makes services that everyone uses, and I have already thought of several features that Google Maps could use. SpaceX is shaping private space exploration, and it just seems like designing things that go to space would be really interesting. Tesla has the potential to change transportation in the US and elsewhere, and I would love to help design the first electric RV or something. I dont know.
I guess when I take a step back and think about what I want to do regardless of training or money, nothing really emerges as the dominant thing I want to do.