Thank you for your time and interest in my problem, I wouldn't deny it, I'm a sensitive person. I always try to put myself in the shoes of others and see the world from their respective and base my actions on that. That is why I decided to give this relationship a shot in the first place. I knew it might have end up like this, TBH I still think that I have hurt her in some many ways, which makes me feel uneasy, disappointed in myself. I wanted to make this women the happiest women on earth, and this is probably what hurts me the most, that I have let her down and not only her but myself, I have lied to us both. I'm coming from a broken family. My Mom left my dad cause he was physically (and most likely mentally) abusing her, she left him when I was 2 years old, I also have a twin brother who doesn't seem as broken as me, but I'm not sure about that, he isn't as sensitive as me I'd even go and say he is the compete opposite of me. We share the same interest about the same hobbies but for him love doesn't hold the same meaning as it holds for me. I'm now sitting in class as I write this message and it reminds me of her, of how we used to text before/during class I can't stop but seeing only the GOOD things we did and went through. I very much respect her and love her. She didn't have the easiest life, and that is what probably drove me to her so much, I wanted to show her that I understand her and want her, I wanted her to feel secured, protected loved, admired, but in the end I didn't fulfill any of these, at first I was scared I wouldn't able to do it, so I pushed her away in some way but as more and more time I spent with her I understood that I have to make it, I have to protect her, to comfort her to please her every need and request. And got myself very close to her, but the part where I wasn't sure about ti all and was pushing her away from me played a huge rule on her end(only now I understand this), and for that I blame myself, for being a coward for being a liar. I bash myself a lot, and that is cause I feel I'm the cause for this relationship falling apart, it's me who didn't want to take her and was running until she finally chased me down or I stopped running. it's haven't been even 24h since the breakup but I already feel like going after her.