Just because adoption is a secondary plan due to the first plan failing doesn’t mean those children are not wanted as badly. Many couples see it as a beautiful journey they never thought they’d consider or be a part of, but now having experienced it, they could not imagine anything else. Adoption as a result of failed fertility is not a “lesser” choice, it is a different path in which you created a family. And in fact, I personally know a couple who is grateful for their fertility issues, because if it weren’t for those complications, they would have never met their daughter who they adopted. They can’t even imagine not having her in their lives.

If adoption is not for you, then fine, but your feelings and outlook about adoption under certain circumstances makes you a huge AH. You need less surrogate searching and more soul searching.