Just because you have good intentions doesn't lead to good outcomes. Idk How people don't see that this is on both sides and putting it to the 13YO to correct on her own is asking too much tbh. If op just never said anything till she blew up then that's a definite gentle YTA. If op has told big sis before about this kind of thing then NTA. This has a great emotional impact on big sis buy in all likelihood it's having an exact similar effect on the op - so in this scenario I look to the parent figure to try correct this scenario by talking about it and showing that boundaries are respected AND that blowing up is the worst thing you can do to let stuff out, especially if you've never said anything to indicate annoyance/ being upset before