Have you been married before? After 16 years, you know someone very well. I have only been married 6 and know my husband would do something similar. I would never ever in a million years consent to him handling thanksgiving. If so, it would turn out exactly the same as OP is describing. He is a good husband, wonderful father, etc. He should never ever be trusted with handling Thanksgiving. If I did hand over the reigns and I was sincere about it, I better be ok with turkey and broccoli. Or maybe even less.

To do what OP described with my husband would be some kind of psychological game that resulted in me mad and taking back over the plans and execution.

Everyone has their faults. Once you’ve been married a long time, you will kind of know and expect how your partner will handle a situation. OP had to have guessed it would go this way. When you know someone incredibly well, why set yourself up for this? I am not specifically attacking OP in this comment really. I’m just saying, if she saw it coming…