NTA - you are making a clear boundary and as a former devotee to Lolita fashion you pick up after a while different levels of safe when wearing certain things. I’m from NYC and the staring/comments are not bad but when I went down south things were bad. I also wanted to go to my home country and was offered a free trip but knew right away it would put me on a level of danger that I am not emotionally or physically able to deal with.

This is who you are but I would offer in the future when you are son is able to speak and advocate for himself to go on these types of trips with your parents. It’s important now than ever to stay connect to the good parts of one’s culture.