I signed up just so I could talk about this...
I am in almost exactly the same situation as you (32 HLF, partner 33LLM), we've been together for 7 years nearly and I haven't told anyone about this because we have the same social circle and I'd never want to break his trust or embarrass him.
Neither of us want children and we live together, have done for quite a while, but we also work together .... We NEVER have sex, it's driving me insane, I've given ultimatums, tried to initiate sex countless times over the years only to be rebuffed at almost every occasion. The sex that we've had has been very average, and usually whilst drunk... I don't get drunk often! There's no foreplay, french kissing, I give oral but never receive it, I suppose, if I was to count full sexual intercourse has happened maybe at most 20-25 times over 7 years. He suffers from ED. It's got to the point where I feel like sex would be embarrassing now, so I don't even attempt to make a move, plus my sexual feelings towards him has really worn away,
It's really difficult to explain how I've ended up in this situation, it's honestly so much easier than people realise when you meet someone you're highly compatible with on every single level and this is the only sticking point, I love him so much, and I feel like it's mutual (as much as I can tell), but he's just not a passionate guy and I'm a really passionate and flirtatious person, so it's been a real test of my patience.
I've asked him several times to go to a therapist to deal with something that happened once with another boy his age when he was a early teenager (I'm not exactly sure of the circumstances as he shuts down when I even try to talk about having a DB).
I'm saddened to think this might not, and probably won't get better, there's only so much understanding I can have when someone doesn't seem to want to help themselves.
It would be ok if we could have a open relationship so I could at least get my sexual fill elsewhere, somehow, but he gets jealous if I'm flirtatious with other guys. I even so much as suggested a threesome with another woman, as I'm bisexual, but it's just got to the point where I can't be bothered with him sexually after so many years of trying and would rather have sex with a woman alone! I know I'm attractive and have a good figure, but I feel like I'm being wasted here, and it's really knocking my confidence, which has never been that high anyway.
Any advice would be appreciated, I just feel totally lost and disheartened by this whole thing.