Wow, this post is almost totally me, ten years in the future. Except I didn't let my mom in the delivery room, and the only time I came close to smiling during the long ass labor and delivery was when I heard my mom in the hallway making a big fuss and being overdramatic (and of course self centered) and the nurse midwife (my heros) that promised to watch out for me almost literally pushed her back and told her under no circumstances was she allowed in. Later I heard about how much more she did to keep her at bay making sure I didn't knwo how crazy she was being, God bless that team of nurses.

But yes, I can't tell you how downright fucking cruel my mom was during my pregnancy. A friend insisted on throwing me a shower (my mom didn't want to celebrate my baby becasue my grandma, who I adored, had gotten sick and passed during my pregnancy - as if that should bear on my kid and they be brought into the world in mouring) and I didnt invite my mom, she asked why and I said "you said we were supposed to be in mourning". So she went out of her way to make me feel like shit daily during those 10 months, demanding we enter therapy (yes, now that I'm more vulnerable than I will ever be now you want to go to therapy) when I told her after the baby she freaked out on me in many phone calls about how I didn't care about her.

So fast forward to my kids birth, well its "her" baby of course, and OF COURSE I am a piece of shit and I dont deserve such a good baby. I like the way you describe your little bunny, reminds me of my fiercely independent moxy filled child. And I love it, I love discovering who she is. I totally influence her and show her things I hope she will like (like playing music, which she revels in) but she doesn't always like the cartoons I think she will and she doesn't like a lot of the music I like BUT she loves the hard core and heavy metal that my husband listens to that I cant stand. My mom found out and freaked out, "how can you let her listen to that devil music!" I told her I don't care for it myself but it is not devil music and if she likes it she likes it, there is nothing wrong with that choice and there is no need for my interference.

The writing is on the wall, she tries to get her into shopping at the mall as a cool thing (not my thing and she puts me down by saying I"m not a girl because I don't like shopping) and wearing animal print (which I don't care for on others but whatever but absolutely detest on my own child) and she is "her" girl. But that girl is 2.5 and her parents let her be who she is (within reason of course ;) And soon enough nmom won't like that, but hopefully by then she will be an ongoing joke and my daughter won't take it to heart, especially with us being all loving and sweet and encouraging. And yes, I have totally seen some fleas since her birth but like you I"m super sensitive and empathetic and so nothing too bad and is always immediately retracted and overly compensated for. And gosh, does it show. Everyone says her and I have identical personalities (we are loud and obnoxious and awesome) but I remember little kid me, little kid me was awkwardly talkative, but I had zero confidence and was easily abused and taken advantage of by others due to my conditioning - but this girl - oh this sub would be proud, gosh is she every loud and in charge, in fact we have paid so much attention to her self-confidence I"m sometimes worried we over shot :/ lol sometimes we joke that we should put her down occasionally because she is getting too big for her britches. She is always the one to gather the kids in a group, is so concerned for others who appear hurt, just so exuberant and free.

This was kind of a rant but your post hit home, thank you for a sneak peak, sometimes I worry that she will somehow take on her shitty traits etc. despite my husband's reassurances. I can't wait to be you in 10 years and will enjoy the ride. Be proud mama, you did great, you are an inspiration.